Guest Blog – The 40ish Mom*tog

Jennifer Imus is a mom to two beautiful daughters and a photographer in Orange County, CA.  Not only is she a talented photographer, but Jennifer and her family are one of my oldest clients.  I’ve done their family sessions for the past 4 years and I’m excited for number 5 in August!  I’m so thrilled to see Jen pursuing something she is so passionate about and I’m happy to have been able to help her along the way!

I told Drew that the gist of my blog would be about what it’s like to be the “40’s Momtog”. I wanted to title it The Forty-ish, Fabulous and Fit Photographer. But let’s be honest… Unlike Drew, I would only run if chased by a lunatic wielding an impressively big weapon. And even then I might try to negotiate. So “Fit” is definitely out. And while I have days when I am totally feeling my Fabulousness, I mostly think that it’s a term reserved for the Beyonce’s of the world. I mean, that girl OWNS Fabulous.

So, we are left with Forty-ish and Photographer (of course I need to include the title of Mom as well but I couldn’t come up with an “F” word for that).

I’m sure you’ve all seen the 1,258 Oprah shows that have documented how AWESOME the 40’s are, and how CONFIDENT you can be in your 40’s, and how 40 is OF COURSE the new 20. I remember being about 32 hearing all of that and thinking, “Sure, that is what women in their 40’s have to say in order to feel better about being so freaking old”. Well, here I am. Forty-ish. And I am here to tell you that it is all true. Except for the one about 40 being the new 20. Because, last I checked, I can’t hold down nearly as much liquor as I could back then.

But there is something that happens when you enter the decade of the 40’s. For one, you stop caring so much about what other people think of you.  Which leads to a newfound confidence.  Which makes you start to evaluate your life from a more personal and more powerful perspective. Which starts to make you feel like it is time to start doing something for you instead of everyone else all the time.

Now, I’m not saying that once you turn 40 it’s like “BAM!”. You can totally rock your old leg warmers and tube tops because you don’t care what anyone thinks. And you can’t stop feeding and bathing your kids because you’ve suddenly decided that you need to focus on YOU (unless you would like unscheduled monthly visits from the Department of Child and Family Services).

What I am saying is that there is this subtle catharsis that occurs. And those changes in how you view the world can be perfect for starting a second career… especially if this second career is something that you have a passion for.

I had a big career before kids… lots of money, travel, perks. But when I had my first baby, I left it to become a stay-at-home mom. And I decided I would THROW myself into the job. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I essentially made the decision to make my life about everything else BUT me. I was solely focused on being a wife, a mother and a “domestic engineer”. And I expected those things to make me happy instead of ME making me happy. And anyone that has seen an episode of Dr. Phil knows that the only person that can make you happy is YOU.

So, I decided to embark on my second career. I decided to become a professional photographer. And I will say that I think entering into a second career, especially as a mom, is a lot different than doing it the first time around.  For one, I will always be a mom first. And unless I decide to get a full-time nanny with references rivaling Mary Poppins, I am still the go-to parent in my household. And two, I have much different expectations for what this second career will look like.

I will offer some advice as someone that has made the leap (and is still very much in “mid-leap”):

• Learn everything you can. Read, talk to friends, research your field.
• Learn from the best in your field. When I decided to make photography a career, I picked two mentors, Drew Bittel and Nick Carver . And I spent a lot of time learning everything I could from them. And I know now it probably saved me at least 18 months of start-up headaches).
• Don’t expect to become an expert anytime soon. Whatever you decide to do as your second career, you’re not going to nail it in six months. Jessica Claire said it took her three years to really find her “style”. I can certainly give myself at least that long.
• As Drew once told me, set office hours. As a mom, the time with our kids is precious. I don’t want them to remember me as a mom who was in front of her computer for most of their childhood.
• Don’t let the business side dampen your passion. Sure, I’m a mom. But this is a business. And the business side can get a little… DULL.  But, I try my best to never lose sight of why I love doing photography.

Going into this, my desire was to have something that was my own… something that I could feel good about, that I could be proud of.  I wanted to have something that would add dimension to my life outside of my roles as wife and mother. And while I understand that not every mom needs this, I have realized over the last year that I have become a much better mother and wife for doing it.

So, if you are considering a second career and are on the north side of 39, go ahead and channel that inner-Oprah and believe that you are worth the risk. And don’t you dare feel guilty for doing something for YOU. Commit yourself to a new journey. And just like it is with being a mom, or anything else in life for that matter, the journey really is better than the destination.